a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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