So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
