Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
