I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
