I got chris browned last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
