I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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