I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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