I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
