New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
