im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
