I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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