I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My bed smells like the plague
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
