It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
