That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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