just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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