I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everclear isn't food dammit
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
