shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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