There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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