an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
