Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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