it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
