I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
