I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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