Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
