Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
