I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am available for nakedness
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
