If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
