People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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