I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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