So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
