He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
