Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
