Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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