PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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