my room smells like sperm. sweet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
