It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
