Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
