Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
