tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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