If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
