She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
