I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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