if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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