The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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