I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
