I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
