GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
