I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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