Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
