there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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