Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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