I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
